Settling down

I've been meaning to write this for some time...

When people knows we are living in Korea they always asume we have a lot of money, true to be told; we don't. Sometimes I wish we were more carefull with our money when we started our New journey but we decided to go YOLO about it but I don't really regret it.

When mom left us almost 2 years ago I learned how to let go: how to let go emotions and material things, when you decide to leave your country with nothing but a backpack, you have to let go material things and get used to the idea of just having a few pieces of clothing. For me this is easy, I usually worry but then I think "If I throw this away now, in 2-3 months I won't remember it...." and that's how I let material things go.

Emotional things are different, my Mom and my sister have always been the most important thing in my life and when we lost my mom I got a pretty big hock, something I still can't get over and still cry about, I get angry because I can't understand why someone decided it was her time to go, she was the happiest person I've ever met, she wanted to grow old and even if she said she didn't want to; I know she wanted to spoil my babies (when I had them)... but loosing my mom like that made me realize that time is precious and the most important thing is to enjoy it with those you love.

Of course I'd love to be on a better situation (economically), buy new shoes or clothes, but winter clothes will have to do for this spring (hehe), I don't want to be rich, that has never been my goal, I just wish I had a bit more because I love going out with friends and being able to treat them a meal or coffee...

Sometines I freak out because I'm close to being 30, I feel like I should settle down, meet someone, get married, have kids and move on but that's something I don't see happening anytime soon... maybe there's a tiny hippie inside me telling me I still need to travel more, see more things by myself...but there's also a tiny old lady telling me I can be a good wife and mom. Now that I get to be with a baby everyday I can't help but wonder how will it be when I have my own...

I usually don't tell this to a lot of people because most tend to freak out, but I don't like thinking about my future anymore, I'm very aware I can die anytime and somehow that doesn't scare me anymore like it did 4 years ago, I'm doing what I want to and I've accomplished more things than I ever thought I would ever do, for now I'm living 1 day at a time and I'm having a great time, specially because I still have 1 of the most important person next to me^^

-Gisela V.